Today, I would like to talk about how I feel. I feel I lost my good spirit...Today is different because I am not writing this in an emotional outburst. No, on the contrary. I lost my good spirit because I realized some things about life. I am rational. Questions such as "What is love? Can love be deconstructed into individual pieces - security, job, work, eating, surviving, paying the rent? Or is love independent and larger than life? What happens when two people on the same boat feel different about themselves, one of them wants to jump?" My rationality is now compelling me to realize that love is not material, it is an emotion that doesn't hold. Life, on the other hand, is material. I came to realize exactly what this means at the age of 28. Maybe it is my age. Maybe I got older, and wiser in the proces.
For a very long time, I feel miserable about so many things about the place I live in, the life I live. This fealing is self-destructive, because the worse I feel, the less I want to do something to change my status- such as volunteer and make friends, go to movies, read books etc...Maybe it has to do with the season - winters are not my favorite. Everyone is wearing these dark colorless outfits, unlike summer, when everybody is much more self-expressive. All the faces in the metro are exhausted, their looks are empty. I couldn't agree more with Kudra. See blog "Kimliksiz". I am embarking on a mental journey.