back from work, a long day- working could be exhausting for beginners:) we have plans for the long weekend, Pavlina is coming tomorrow, and Selmin is here already. I am trying to pick places for new year. see you burning girl.

Today is my day off!!! - I can hadly believe how drastically my life changed - from one with plenty of time to waste away, to one in which every minute counts!!! I do not have much time for reflection either, not that I miss it - I have done that for the last 3 years - if not all my life - so now it is action time. The second week on the job was really fast - it is X-mas week, so I received plenty of presents, including one that totally caught me by surprize - something I really really liked, and would not expect from someone who had just met me - turned out the poor girl searched all over DC to find it, and finally her boyfriend- whom I never met- found it. I am glad I will be working with such kind and considerate coworkers.
Also, I am learning that lunch time promises to be among some of the more exquisite moments in my life - I have been invited to have lunch at various fancy places so far, Bethesda being one of the paramount entertainment districts of the DC area. Even if not for lunch, coffee shops are one option. Tel Aviv Cafe could be one interesting option. Also, I have noticed another cafe, Cafe Europa, with all the flags of the European Union mounted to the front facade (UN style), and as I was passing by it yesteray with Levent, guess what - Turkey's flag was among the flags! I sure like the way Americans see the EU:)
Because the neighborhood is so inviting, I have been going out with my coworkers, and this is a first since I have come to DC....I had given up on socializing, so I will probably go out to lunch even if I am not hungry.... Amelia and Kim are the two coworkers I have got to known most closely so far, and I am getting to know the rest of the team.
Selmin and X-mas....
Tomorrow Selmin the nutcracker is coming, and I am so excited, the poor planner that I am - not to mention the busy week I left behind - I didn't make great plans for us. But I am considering driving to the ocean...The Atlantic Ocean is only two hours away from us, and I am longing for the beach. I am looking into non-commercialized spots, and I already have a few in mind. If we decide to take the trip, it will be a series of firsts - the first time I will ever see the ocean, the first time I will ever see the ocean in wintertime, and the firstime I will ever see the ocean in wintertime with Selmin...Levent said "I am in". Selmin said "Muhtesem olur var ya", so let's do it.

I am tired, I will go to sleep in a while, it is late already. Life has finally changed for me for the good - I couldn't have given myself a better new year gift. I HAVE PEACE OF MIND. I am resolved to make things work and stand on my own feet, for as long as it takes. Feeling my 28 ages on my shoulder, this is how I can describe my exhaustion and determination to succeed. Santa, please do not knock on my door this year - I have not bought any gifts for anyone, and I am expecting no gifts from anyone. BG.

I found this in Basak's blog> You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. Beautiful.
I also discovered another Burning Girl, who actually is very much like me! I even had the uncanny feeling that I must have created the blog, and then forgot about it, and then created burning girl anew. She even mentions how she likes words. This is me. This reminds me of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind": two people get together and fall in love, then they erase their memories of each other; they meet again, and fall in love again. Sometimes, we act in certain ways under certain conditions, and we don't even know why. All we know is that, under the same circumstances, we act in the same way over and over. Dedicated to Burning Girl...

My first day at work is over!
Monday: Orientation. Tuesday: First assignment and training. Wednesday: More training. Thursday: Besides the orientation and the training sessions, the department organized a welcome lunch for me at an Indian Restaurant - I happened to mention I never tried Indian food (because I didn't think I would like it!) and my supervisor decided it is time for me to try Indian cuisine.:) Friday: I came to work to find a surpise on my desk - a Chinese music box! I went to lunch with other colleagues. We chatted about relationships::). When I was back from lunch, the very same day, we went out again to Starbucks. The neighborhood is just beautiful, and it is such an inviting walking area with all these cofee shops..so we feel tempted to go out occasionally to refresh ourselves. I have also started doing my first assignment, overall, I had an extremely productive week - worked hard.
Saturday: Today, we re-decorated out apartment with bright orange, creme and red colors, we also separated the living room from the kitchen with a wooden elegant screen from "World Market". Our apartment is small, and the screen added the cozy feeling I was missing. We attached a cloth lantern onto the screen, and decorated the walls with blinking christmas lights. It was just in time, as today we had our first snow!!! It is still snowing outside, crispy-white snow flakes on our frozen windows...Yawn.

Emrah, thank you very much for the wonderful, precious and by all means useful tips. I am really concerned about how to take care of myself. I am self-maintanence-impaired. I forget to eat or drink when I immerse myself in work, and then I feel very exhausted, and I wonder why:). Actually, I am like that even when I am not at work. Levent is so anxious for me now that I am away from home that he actually prepares my lunch bag, as if I were a kindergarden kid! Today, he did more than that: because I had this crazy time, I was unable to go shopping or cook - I was soo tired that I collapsed on the sofa yesterday - my first work day (the night before I couldn't sleep because I drank too much coffee Sunday evening - not a good idea, I normally drink decaff, but the coffee at Madeleine's was sooo good that I cheated by mixing decaf with regular coffee!:)) Anyways, yesterday, we were both hungry and there was no food at home (not even bread), so we had to order pizza - we had a quick blitz-dinner, and then I had a stomachache. Not good at all. So, when I was back from work today, I was determined to go shopping for food at any cost. I even told Levent (he picked me with the car at the metro stop) "Let's goshopping first" He said "What is the hurry, let's go home first, relax, then we can go shoping". I said " Are you crazy, I am hungry already. I need food ASAP". He insisted that we go home, so we did. Well, he took off time from work to shop and cook! He cooked my favorite dishes, quite a few of them too, and I was positively surprized (no, he doesn't cook routinely). So much for today. Must go to sleep now.

After several days "away" from my blog, I am back well and alive! I missed burning girl. My first day at work was a long day, I met a lot of very nice people throughout the orientation - from mid to senior level executives. I chatted with them, and exchanged ideas about the heartland and stuff. They told me I am "more American than they are". Well, I am not in Kansas any more:). Besides this, today I started with assignments. My responsibilities are much greater than I anticipated, and the business logic is equally complicated. I am still learning. Though it is not always fun, I think I will enjoy it because I will be pushing my limits and learning new things every day. Also, I am very excited to meet so many people from different places- Englang, Australia...I hope to go to lunch with them some time. Well, it is only my second day, so nothing much to tell except - I do miss my blog and my dear friends. Do not forget me, I will be back in a day or two.

It is late, I am exhausted, but happily so. We made a trip to Adams Morgan-normally I do not plan events; I believe in the moment...Today, I planned an evening, for a change; a weekday evening, on top of that. So, I found a French Bistro at Adams Morgan. (PS: Not to be confused with Madam's Organ, an in/famous yet hugely popular blues bar located in the center of Adams Morgan.)
An interesting lesson of my DC quest is that the neighborhood matters.
In a French Bistro at Capitol Hill, one could have dinner in a place densely populated with Capitol Hill politicians. Adams Morgan is a hip district - like the Taksim of DC. Levent was very tired, but he couldn't say no. For one thing, I was ready to go when he came from work! So we followed the directions to the French Bistro, only to find it has been shut down! This is where planning leads - among literally hundreds of "open" venues in Adams Morgan, I actually managed to pick the one that has been shut down. We were hungry and determined; so we continued looking until we picked Meze. An inviting, surprizingly cheap, cozy Turkish restaurant. Most of the patrons and the waiters were Turkish, so it felt like we were in Istanbul. Anyway, the moral of the day was: good thing may happen to you if you don't plan... And vice versa.

Today, I woke up to important news from Capitol Hill - the bill to overhaul the intelligence was finally approved in the House. This is when I decided my shabby, barely furnished, yet cozy apartment needs an overhaul too - I worked diligently all day: cleaned up our balkony, cleaned the huge window screens of our living room, tidied up the wardrobes, ironed the laundry, and changed the decorative pillow configuration: the huge ones on the ground; the smaller, elegant ones on the sofa (they are my favorite combination-creme and dark brown)....Previously, all my pillows were enjoying a trepid harmony on the sofa. Also, as I felt somewhat inspired by my overhauling efforts (the weather was simply beautiful outside!), I turned on my favorite jazz CD- "As Time Goes By". I realized the absurdity of my inspirational extravaganza with the song "April in Paris" (Ella Fitzgerald with Louis Armstrong). "December in DC" could be a more faithful rendition in my case:) And now that I found a job, we will not be able to go to Turkey to see our parents...Duh. So much for "New Year in Istanbul". As Hegel would have noted, I am stuck in the "here and now" of the choices I made....Did I mention I love my new hair! My all time favorite in 28 years. What was I thinking?...I wish Nilay had not returned to Turkey..I guess this will be the last of her articles from the Puslu Kitalar Atlasi. I discovered her corner only recently. I feel we have a lot in common, and I look forward to her second article from Istanbul. She has a powerful way of telling how she feels (see, for instance her last article from America, you need to use the drop-down window and select the article Sehnaz'in Ardindan), and I associate with what she says. As a writer who made it to the United States, and back to Istanbul, I wonder how different she feels.

I am still waiting for the miracle to come. This is what I mean by "another day left behind". I know that miracles are not real in the real life-sense; but they can happen to ordinary people. And I will keep waiting.

Another day left behind. I have accustomed myself to evaluating my "performance" on a daily basis-was the day productive and efficient; or a day wasted? What have I accomplished today? What have I learned? Applying a strategy is a useful way of extracting the most out of myself. Well, in my case, achievement is symbolic: like discovering a new venue, learning a few computer skills to help me in my career, discovering new movie theatres, new culture houses, writing a reflective article, a poem. Nothing to brag about. But this keeps me going. I usually set daily goals-such as learning a word per day...My preoccupation is mainly literary and philosophical. I just love reading articles, circling terms, and finding out what they mean...

Emrah?! You are a magician, as in the good old days in Bosporus. Yes, the horoscope you mentioned was right! I got a job offer today from the company I mentioned earlier. I am starting this week, next Monday. I am thrilled. I feel you brought me good luck and positive energy this week 'cuz, if you ask me what changed in your life, the only change is you:). So, that must be it. Now, of course, you can't get away just like that, you must give me tips about how to be succesfull as a research analyst. I am listening...[grin grin grin]...

Today I am afraid I have bad news. I have just learned from Emrah that a friend of mine from Turkey, Izzet, passed away because he took a pill he was allergic to. He is (I can't say "was") one of the rare personas in our department; and even though we were not close friends, I feel profound sadness.

Today, I would like to talk about how I feel. I feel I lost my good spirit...Today is different because I am not writing this in an emotional outburst. No, on the contrary. I lost my good spirit because I realized some things about life. I am rational. Questions such as "What is love? Can love be deconstructed into individual pieces - security, job, work, eating, surviving, paying the rent? Or is love independent and larger than life? What happens when two people on the same boat feel different about themselves, one of them wants to jump?" My rationality is now compelling me to realize that love is not material, it is an emotion that doesn't hold. Life, on the other hand, is material. I came to realize exactly what this means at the age of 28. Maybe it is my age. Maybe I got older, and wiser in the proces.
For a very long time, I feel miserable about so many things about the place I live in, the life I live. This fealing is self-destructive, because the worse I feel, the less I want to do something to change my status- such as volunteer and make friends, go to movies, read books etc...Maybe it has to do with the season - winters are not my favorite. Everyone is wearing these dark colorless outfits, unlike summer, when everybody is much more self-expressive. All the faces in the metro are exhausted, their looks are empty. I couldn't agree more with Kudra. See blog "Kimliksiz". I am embarking on a mental journey.