Le fin or new beginning or the Pulp Fiction of a Gypsy Woman

The frivolity of life's frivolousness, the moment when sanity turns into its sister insanity; when vision gets blurred and perspective is shamelessly skewed, when you feel like you turned into a gregor samsa, and nothing to help you out...I have taken a long break from my silent world, contemplating, in an effort to take my fate into reign. the last month I visited Kansas City, spent the best time ever with Pavlina and Sean, my good old friends, to maximize our time together, we did not sleep the last night of our visit at Sean's house - we ordered chinese, Pavlina the ever beautiful showed photos of herself taken by a photographer in Paris (she looks like a Vogue model and the photographer actually works with Vogue models)....I keep myself busy at other times when I am not with them, doing shopping, cooking, WORKING, trying to avoid the nagging questions that pope into my mind like spam pop-ups: The question is: What am I going to do with my life, I feel the shallow vanity of a person who at the age of 28 thinks she has achieved everything she wanted: I have my degree in the area I wanted to specialize ten years ago, I found the starting job that I believed I would never find in the US (after three years of playing the desperate housewife), I enjoy the secluded security of a peaceful life, precious intellectual indulgence, material abundance, the secret joys that one needs to be happy, weekend escapes to New York, nightlife, trekking, the oustanding unique people I have met, the new things I have learned at every inch of my three year quest (no, this is not the word, it is not a quest but a thriller Movie; sometimes- and this is happening increasingly more often- I have hard time believing the moments I am actually making part of me- me, the shy girl who never ventured out of her room - are real, that "I" am real and not the girl from that movie Pulp Fiction), some are too surreal to be true....
And at the same time, I feel I have achieved nothing, and I have nothing. All alone in this vast continent with the never ending high way routes from one coast to another, in Washington DC, miles away from all people I care about, with a career prospect I never felt deeply passionate about (still dreaming of how I will become a writer one day), of the feeling that I am living at the edge because I am afraid of getting old (and sometimes I feel old!), so I am living every moment to the fullest, lest I have no regrets for not having lived when I had the change...At times, I am totaly overwhelmed by melancholy and fear, like a deep frozen nugget, and with this film noir of "what now, what is the next step" comes the inevitable bigger Question: hew gypsy woman ,wake up, find yourself, the gypsy life you have been living, is it going to last forever, is this how you are going to live, how long are you going to drift from one coast to another, the craziness of it all, the inescapable loneliness that crawls in at the end of each -this-is-it-it-couldnt-get-better-moment...when is the time to call it quits, and go home???? American Beauty...Pulp Fiction...U-Turn, which one will it be?
Flash flash flash: Levent has launched his own blog and seeks no publicity, so I am doing him a favor by adding him to my blog list, I am quite sure I will have no visitors:)